What kind of message is this sending? Not a positive one. It is NOT okay to be slutty.
 - well, what my definition of slutty is, does NOT make it okay.

What is this world coming to?

 #americaisfuckedup

I’m using the space to just vent and get all my feelings out. Since leaving RIC for winter break, I’ve come to the realization about a lot of things. Things I thought I knew or people I thought I knew. I’ve found myself happier with whom I’ve became, even though it’s damaged relationships with others.  I find myself becoming more forward with my feelings and reasoning. I find that I no longer hide my fears or the truth from the people that need to hear it. I’ve become willing to take the risk. And so far so good.  With friends that I have distanced myself from, I have realized that most of it was my fault.  However, I still hold on to a piece of the old me, who thinks “they didn’t try, why am I trying?”  And I think I try because there’s no reason not to.  There were no fights, no annomosity. No true reasoning as to why I put myself out of the equation.  It was just something at the time that I needed to do, to regain my sanity, and continue to rebuild myself and understand what I really need to change about myself.  These changes have been far from easy.  But, with everything in life, that’s how it goes.   I’ve mended relationships with friends that I now understand that I would never want to lose. These girls are apart of my college. They’ve seen me go through pain and heartache. They help pick me up when I have fallen, figuratively and literally. Without them, I have nothing. Friends have become such an important part of my life.  Each friend has benefits that means more than I could attempt to describe (but of course I will) Magda is basically my rock. She understands me, gets me. Can tell by every notion I make whether I am happy, sad, indifferent, or just need someone to talk to. Our friendship began out of my own petty and childish ways, but we have blossomed into a friendships that I should never take for granted.  Collette, now that is someone who I can always turn to with my relationship slips and falls.  She knows how to understand my confusing mind, as I can understand her’s when she’s searching for the right words to describe her feelings.  Without her, there would be a lot of issues and things that I would have never been able to walk away from gracefully like I was.  Juju is my freakin savior. She’s hysterical, and as I continued to go through things this year, she was one of the very few to never turn against me, or pick a side. She just gets who I am, I am a pretty complicated person.  She there’s for a laugh, and a pick-me up. She just helps me get rid of all my worries in the world. Brielle is very similar to Juju. Though Brielle and I sometimes lack real deep and personal conversations (for what reason I don’t know) but Brielle is always the one that makes my outings entertaining. She is so silly and reminds me of a little kid (not in a bad way) she just has an upbeat confident part of her that I really admire. These are just a few of the people whom I connect with so perfectly. There are many others, but for my profound new friendships, thoes girls are my rock.  And I think I’ve been able to make that much more clear. 

With the new year has also brought me a kind of power within myself to let go of holding emotions and feelings in.  Since vacation began, I have been on this rollercoaster ride that seems to be never ending. Hearing things on holiday’s like ” I do miss you, I do care about you, I want to start over, I just need to mature.” and many other things like that.. makes me miss everything about you. Its shocking to me that I still want you after everything we’ve been through. But I can’t help myself. There’s just something about you. Everytime I lay down and rest my eyes, my mind wanders and hates itself for the pain I did put you through. Granted; it was not as much as I endured. But our relationship was so up and down and a portion of it was certainly my fault. Since hearing you say those things, and that night the honesty of what we discussed, I have started to want to really rebuild it, more than I thought I did originally. But however, there are always things (or a girl) that comes in the way of my pure happiness. Now though, I realize that instead of holding all those feelings and emotions in, I have to let them out. I have to be clear about my intentions and what I expect.. and if for so you can’t do what I need, then I have to distance myself once again. But, in your words it’s not the case. “A fresh start” is how you phrased it. Trying to be friends and just work it out as friends first. Trying to regain trust in a friendship before we can gain anything else. I’m all for it, and it means so much that he does to. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ll be waiting. Because something like this doesn’t just die. It just takes a rest and a break for a while. My heart is too big for you, has to much love for you, to just pack it up and call it quits. We both are holding back right now, but its a good thing. It’s beyond hard to, even when we kiss, it’s apparant we want more, but we each stop ourselves. We’re maturing, on our own time, and it just happens that we are around one another a little more. And I like it. The gray skies I’ve been under are turning blue, and I’ve been waiting for this, and I know it could be great. I just want it to work. Because something like this is meant to work. “Fate” is real when it comes to you and I: Remember that..?

(Source: stefanielauraforever)

I want these shorts so so so bad

#americangirl

I’m feeling sexy and free, like glitters raining on me.

Someone needs to put one of these in their house

#sosick